Rebecca Black- Let Her Burn
saturday mourning
This was supposed to be a joke. I mean COME ON, nobody honestly reviews Rebecca Black right? Because of the Friday song? Remember how much we all laughed about it? There cannot possibly be anything redeemable about the career of a girl whose parents bought her a viral hit in the early 2010s can there? Justin only replied with ‘Friday’ to my request for albums to review and since he broke the rules by not providing an actual album, I called his bluff and now its his fault we are where we are. The real question is ‘will Rebecca call our bluff and deliver a legitimate pop album from the ashes of her internet roasting?’ Or will this just be another nail in Blacks internet sarcophagus?
track by track
Erase You
We already did Rebecca. Maybe it’s you and not us who need to move on? Okay, I’m going to try to not fill the entire review with snark but man it’s hard when a song this stiff enters your ears. The production is just so bland. The beat is rigid to the point of necrosis, the kick drum thumps at the exact same velocity every single bar which robs it of any character it could have had followed by these washed out snares that are pitched so high they are nearly indistinguishable from the hi hats… electronic drum production is tough to get right but there was so little effort here, it sounds like the demo track that loads the first time you fire up fruity loops. That’s an insult, ask your friend who plays synths. I’ll wait, surely you know at least one guy.
Next, Rebecca’s vocals are so SO weak. It’s hard to pinpoint if the issue is that she just has no range or if the producer wildly overcompensated the pitch correction and had to drown what remained under a sea of reverb to get a usable take. Speaking of “drowning”, Rebecca says something about being underwater and her vocals do this waaarbly oooh I’m under the water now! Effect that is equal parts lazy and annoying. God I am being mean… but I gave this an honest try… it’s been on repeat while I write this and I’m just so fucking appalled but those drums. I hate this track, it’s lifeless, it goes nowhere, and it hurts my feelings.
Draw a straight line on a piece of paper, try to freehand it and really focus as you do it… that line you just drew represents how much inflection Rebecca’s voice goes through on this one. Even during the refrain where she moves to a higher register and there should be a big payoff with the hook being louder and more intense, we instead hear the producer turn her vocal track down. She goes higher to setup the hook but the intensity gets knee capped by having the volume reduced and drowned out by that GOD FORSAKEN TRASH CAN OF A SNARE SOUND! Somebody listened to Metallicas “St. Anger” and said “I want THAT sound for Rebecca Blacks big comeback!”
What a soggy start to this show…I can’t wait to see where we go from here! SEE! I’m being positive. Don’t I seem happy?
Destroy Me
Pretty much the same song as the first. Boring beat again, Rebecca’s vocals washed out in effects. Blah.
Misery Loves Company
FINALLY! This one is actually somewhat interesting and more listenable than the first two. It’s not great by any means, Rebecca is clearly trying to do this Ariana Grande vibe and kind of gets there. At the very least it’s stylish and has a decent groove. I can remember the hook when I see the title. I like the sampling chops going on throughout it…I don’t know guy’s, there are just so few words to use when something mentally exhausts you as much as this album has.
Crumbs
Completely forgettable. Dull. Etc.
Doe Eyed
Another wannabe Ariana Grande rip without any of Ariana’s style or lyrical wit. Clearly meant to be the radio single except it sounds like one of the generic background songs that play overhead while you’re shopping at the mall the one time a year you actually go to the mall. You’re only there to grab a gift card for your cousins birthday and of course they don’t shop at any of the stores that Target stocks gift cards for. So here you stand, listening to “Doe Eyed” for longer than you ever need because you’re to embarrassed to ask one of these young mutant employees where the gift cards are at. Why do the workers seem happy? I know they are in their teens but have they not seen the dumpster fire of a world they are inheriting? How do they make their hair look that cool? Am I still cool? Could I wear those jeans? $130?! Faaaaaack no! Target has my brand of jeans for $34.99 thank you.
What were we doing again?
Sick To My Stomach
Nope. Not taking the bait. Moving on.
What Am I Going To Do With You?
Sounds like a worst version of a song you’ve heard before. Insert same criticisms levied at all the other tracks with the exception of the hook being pretty decent on this one both production wise and it is one of the few tracks where it doesn’t sound like Rebecca’s vocals were ran through a washing machine.
Cry Hard Enough
This one ended up being the only track I would say is passable enough that I would recommend you listen to it. Sounds like a B Tier Taylor Swift song but thankfully ditches some of the obnoxious production that plagues every other second of this album. Slower tempo does Rebecca a big favor and her vocals sound good.
If you pass on my recommendation to listen to it I will not be mad at you, we will still be friends. Just don’t ever ask me again in the future what Rebecca Black song you should check out because I will have long purged this entire month I spent writing this review from my brain.
Performer
Yep, it’s the last song. Still doing that “BOOMPAAATAPPPerPPPPSSSSHHHHHHHAAAAAAAPatAP” beat we heard on every single other track. This one gets special points though for finally allowing my brain to be free from the prison it’s been locked in with Mrs Black for so long now. We’re finally done.
Conclusion: ITs a Flop!
it’s just so dull and lifeless…nothing interesting or memorable happens. The beats are reused nauseatingly, the vocals are constantly being waterboarded by reverb and chorus and Rebecca just can’t pull any of it off. Instead of finding her own style of pop music she’s shyly hiding behind the coattails of far bigger acts. Even as harsh as I am towards this one, I do honestly believe that Rebecca showed the occasional spark of a more interesting artist that will hopefully come out on her next outing.
This album was all first draft sounding. If she could have gotten a Sia or Lana Del Ray to help clean them up maybe they could have been more fleshed out. If she had hired a producer who wasn’t mixing the tracks on their limewired copy of Acid Music from 1999 then maybe I wouldn’t have the overwhelming urge to go drink right now.
wish in one hand, raise a bottle in the other. This one is a flop.
